At the age of seven, on the blacktop at recess—surrounded by loud kids playing jump rope, basketball, and jacks—the feeling of loneliness was strong. It was just another day of being left out. I hadn’t been picked for a team or a game. Again. So I sat alone, believing no one liked me, no one cared, and maybe no one ever would. That became my identity

Fast forward a few years. I remember clearly, as a teenager, walking down the crowded high school halls, catching the glares and whispers of other students. They pointed. Rumors were spreading about me. It didn’t matter that they weren’t true. Others believed them. And eventually, so did I. I was a slut. No one would ever want me. That became my identity.

As I got older, the belief that everyone saw me through the lens of those lies, even when they didn’t, shaped everything: how I saw myself, how I thought others saw me. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be liked. So I made choices—poor ones—that, sadly, seemed to confirm those lies. I was worthless. I was no good. And that, too, became my identity.

I remember clearly the day my son left for college. I still had three children at home, but I felt as if I was having an identity crisis. I had given up having a career to stay home so that I could homeschool and raise my children. Now that the first had left, I felt as if a piece of me had left, and it revealed a deeper problem. Day after day, I struggled to get out of bed and complete my daily routine. I could not understand what was wrong with me. I still had three children to take care of; it was not like I had nothing to do or was alone. I thought I was losing my mind.

Then one day, the Lord unveiled my problem. I had placed my identity in being a mom. What gave me worth and made me feel complete was all wrapped up in taking care of my children. Once the realization that this season was being taken away from me, I no longer knew who I was. I was having a crisis.

What is your identity?  Is it based on your title at your company? Is it what you have done in the past? Or is it based on being a mom and a wife? 

When we base our identity on our jobs, our relationships, past mistakes, or even our hobbies, we run into trouble. Why? First of all, we have to base them on the truth. As you read, you’ll see that some of the things I based my identity on were lies. The second problem is that our identity is sometimes based on the temporal. They are based on things that are here today and gone tomorrow. You could lose your job, your kids grow up, or you could lose a loved one. We need to base our identity on something that will last and never fade away. You may say, “Amy, everything fades.” You would be correct. Everything that is on this earth fades away. I am speaking of something that is not of this earth.

 What is your identity in Christ? 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

We Are a New Person

When we become Christians, we are no longer the person we were before.  We are a new person in Christ.  We are not slaves to our old sins or struggles that kept us in bondage. Let that really sink in. You are a new creation. Whatever you did in the past, whatever might have happened to you in your past, no longer defines you. For example, because of my past sin, I had aligned my identity with that, and I believed I was a slut, worthless, and useless. I also felt like a victim because of what had been done to me. This became my identity, but it wasn’t the truth.

Because of this deceitful thought process, my actions were a result of what and who I believed I was. I had no confidence or belief that I could do anything good or worthy of the Lord. I felt I was of no help or worth to anyone. I lived in defeat. Each day, I woke up thinking I was too useless to succeed at anything I tried. My thoughts were filled with lies, such as no one will ever give me a chance. I will never amount to anything. Who could ever love me? I am a loser. And on and on the deceitful spiraling thoughts went.

I allowed myself to go to a dark place, where it shouldn’t have been. It is hard to get back from that place, but not impossible. Nothing is ever impossible with God. (Luke 1:37)

When I believed and trusted that I was a new person in Christ, rather than the person I was, I could become the person God created me to be. The lies I had believed kept me from that.

What lies do you believe that you have conformed your identity to? We need to leave the past behind us and start anew with God’s help.